I originally planned to tackle one of my glacier posts today, from my thesis fieldwork this summer. But then I had my regular Wednesday meeting with my advisor and I went from windshield to bug in nothing flat. A fellow grad student described this process to me on Monday - how grad student's emotional low state center around their meetings with their advisors/committees/etc. - the line peaks again a few days later he assured me. I probably should insert a graph here to demonstrate what I mean, but I can't stand to make any more graphs right now. I will grudingly admit the meetings aren't as bad as they used to be. Maybe that's because I'm getting better? Probably not. Maybe he lowered his expectations.... either way, I'm sure I'll never know.
I think it would be okay except for feeling like I am trying to hit a moving target. My expectations have changed - at least one beating per month. Today was more beating than confidence building. Apparently I am only about halfway done with my Results. Yay. I think I would have put that percentage more in the 70-80 range. Last week after I retrieved my last datalogger successfully from a glacier by getting permission to land a helicopter in a state park I was almost a hero. As disturbing as this vacilation is, more disturbing to me is the lack of retention of anything I say. Coupled with the assumption that I am somehow doing nothing despite what feels like constant contrary evidence presented is enough to drive most people crazy. At least I don't doubt his expertise - it could always be worse, right?
Many former and fellow grad students assure me this cycle is normal. I never have wanted to not be normal more.
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